Seasonal Delusion, A Minnesota Guide

Over the past few years, there have been times I’m genuinely horrified by my own behavior regarding the temperature. For example, when one of my children was about 2, I was at Costco on what I considered a mild day. En route from car to store my child started screaming, and I realized that I really should have put her into a hat and mittens, even though we were only crossing the parking lot.

November and December are when winter is fun and fancy-free. We’re wearing our cutest coats and decking the halls. From January to March, things get a bit grittier. The snow is a little less whimsical and a little icier, and grungier. Our vehicles look like a hot mess from the salted roads. 

Don’t get me wrong. When it comes to doing actual outdoor activities, we take dressing for the weather seriously. We understand the critical importance of wool, layering, sweat wicking, and wind breaking materials. 

But when it comes to short periods outdoors, I’ve noticed that Minnesotans have some odd behaviors regarding the weather. Often I find myself giggling at these, and I hope you will too. 

Denial: Between 5 degrees and 25 degrees

This is our winter default mode. We will bring a jacket with us in the car, but it’s a 50/50 on whether we wear the coat into a store with us to run an errand. We probably won’t bring gloves or a hat with us. Only a fool or an outsider would comment on these temperatures as “cold.” 

Acknowledgement: Between -10 and 5 degrees
At these temperatures, we will probably wear a coat indoors to run errands. It is okay to acknowledge that it is cold outside. It is common small talk to mention these are the perfect temperatures for cross-country skiing. We will probably even bring gloves and a hat in our vehicle, but it’s unlikely we’ll wear our gloves from our car to wherever we are going. 

Respect: Between -30 and -10

We stop pretending we are invincible. We will wear hats, gloves, and coats out into the cold, even for short trips. 

Fatalism: Below -30

These temperatures, though cold enough to kill us, will not stop us from running errands and living our lives normally.  Most of us are smart enough to dress appropriately and have emergency kits in our vehicles. At these temperatures we might send a screen shot of the wind chill to our family members in warmer climes. The days begin to feel like groundhog day.

Euphoria: Between 25 and 35 degrees 

You will see sunglasses, tee-shirts, and very minimal coats. People will look visibly lighter and comment on the nice weather. 

Silliness: Between 35 and 45

Likely to encounter folks wearing shorts, especially runners. The scent of grilled hamburgers will be resplendent in the air. People will be high on Vitamin D. Windows and sliding glass doors will be open. This is officially spring weather!

Chaos: Between 45 and 55

If you live in a college town, you will see college students playing beer pong in their yards in shorts. Kids cannot be kept out of puddles.

Amnesia: Above 55

We forget winter entirely. Until next year…